I am not a calm person. At all. I’m the opposite of calm. But I’d really like to be one of those centered people who lead balanced lives and know how to approach each day feeling blessed and, well……happy.
How do those people get that way? Is it their nature? Are they as mixed-up and semi-neurotic as I feel like I am? Do they just have a better way of covering it all up?
Journaling. Yoga. Meditation. Therapy. Getting enough sleep. Getting enough exercise. Eating healthy. “Me time”. Where do these all fit in when the true priorities have to be family, your children, your marriage, your career?
I think that, eventually, we allow life to turn us into machines. Machines need fuel. That’s it. Machines don’t need to feel fulfilled. They don’t need validation. They don’t feel guilt. You put some source of fuel into them, and they do the job. Human beings aren’t designed that way.
It’s exhausting to try to be everything to everyone. After a while, you lose your “happy”. When that happens, it’s scary. And sad.
I’m not talking about “depression”. I’m simply talking about when – from the
time you wake up, until the time you go to sleep – you always sort of feel like you didn’t quite do it. You didn’t respond to your 8 year-old in the way that you should have. You let her push your buttons. Or you didn’t really listen to your 11 year-old because you taught all day & had to be mommy/counselor/teacher/therapist to about 150 16 year-olds all day and you’re just plain done! Or you snapped at your 5 year-old because he asked for a glass of milk 52 times AND wants you to turn on Sheriff Callie on he Disney Channel AND wants you to hold him – all while you’re trying to get all of he family activities for the next month on the dry-erase calendar on the refrigerator.
You lost your cool.
Or – like in my case – you never really had it.
Can people change when it comes to this? Can you take someone who always feels out of control and turn them into a person who can take that step back and get centered?